i was born a porn star she said
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
