Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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