East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
