Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
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Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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