Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
