Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
