Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
