Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
