i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
