it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
