Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
