don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
