On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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