you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...