Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport

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(313): awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport http://tfl.nu/bmz0

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(631): View more from New York

the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama

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(631): the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama http://tfl.nu/szy7

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...

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(414): you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened... http://tfl.nu/w2pr

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(440): View more from Ohio

i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project

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(440): i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project http://tfl.nu/w3av

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(518): View more from New York

All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up

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(518): All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up http://tfl.nu/3pu3

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(507): View more from Minnesota

He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.

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(507): He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in. http://tfl.nu/mt4b

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(616): View more from Michigan

You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.

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(616): You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls. http://tfl.nu/v76g

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(573): View more from Missouri

On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.

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(573): On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower. http://tfl.nu/pdns

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(954): View more from Florida

FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.

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(954): FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today. http://tfl.nu/1con

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(303): View more from Colorado

I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.

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(303): I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen. http://tfl.nu/li1t

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(409): View more from Texas

Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo

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(409): Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo http://tfl.nu/65rk

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.

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(501): Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us. http://tfl.nu/mzbi

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(214): View more from Texas

How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.

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(214): How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk. http://tfl.nu/tw8m

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(850): View more from Florida

No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview

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(850): No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview http://tfl.nu/suz9

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(315): View more from New York

Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...

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(315): Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper... http://tfl.nu/s6hc

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