my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!