there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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