Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
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she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
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All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.