I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
