I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
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So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."