Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
