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• (817): View more from Texas

  She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  OMG. What did u say?

  (817): View more from Texas

  I told her I did too.

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• (650): View more from California

  hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.

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  23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway

  (925): View more from California

  I hate that you know that from experience

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours

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  These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  whats our policy on dating high schoolers?

  (1-231): View more from Michigan

  we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"

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