I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
