I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
