he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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