i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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