the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
