don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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