I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
