Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
