Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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