i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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