I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
