One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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