i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
