Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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