I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
