Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
