I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
