She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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