there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
