I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
