somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
