Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
