Your tits are I can't wait for
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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