If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
