he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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