question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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