WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
