she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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