Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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