she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I need a burrito and a hug.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
