Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
