yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
