I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
