Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
