She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he fucked my hip out of place.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
