There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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