So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
