my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
