what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
