She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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