I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
