i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
