is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
