Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head

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(256): View more from Alabama

We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.

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(206): View more from Washington

He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look

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(816): View more from Missouri

she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink

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(727): View more from Florida

well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.

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(916): View more from California

Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out

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(519): View more from Ontario

I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media

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