There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
