Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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